


I'll Be Home Soon

by thelittlestmermaid



Series: As Long As You Come Home at the End of the Day [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Coping, M/M, alex can't cope, kinda happy ending, pain and suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 03:24:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6313492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelittlestmermaid/pseuds/thelittlestmermaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know what's funny Lafayette? In this card John said that he would always be here for me and that he would stay by my side forever. And every day I get a text from his phone saying he'll be home soon. And you know, Lafayette, John isn't a liar. So where the hell is he?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be Home Soon

     Alexander cursed as his alarm went off and slammed his hand down on it before rolling over in his bed. He knew he should get up and work on the article that was due in two days but he couldn't bring himself to get out of bed. He knew that the text would be coming any minute now, and he knew he would have to look at it, but he also knew that it wouldn't be John sending the message. He knew that it was just the app that John had downloaded to his phone in case he forgot to text him when he was on vacation. He knew that it was just an automatic message that sent him a message every day at 7:30 sharp a.m. and p.m., reminding him to take his medicine. And he knew that it wasn't John that was ending the message with his usual, “I love you!” along with a few heart emojis and a turtle emoji. Alex knew all this already.

     Still Alex hoped and wished every day that it was John. He hoped that maybe this was all some sick joke and John would text him a picture of something cool he saw while visiting England. He thought that maybe John was just busy with all the sight-seeing he was probably doing. He knew that John was probably tired of his constant texts, wherever he was. He also knew that John would want him to move on with his life and be happy, but Alex couldn't. Alexander couldn't just move on from John. Not when every single thing in his apartment reminded him of John. Their shared bed still faintly smelled of John's favorite cologne, even though John hadn't been home in months. Alex could still see John sitting at his desk, and heard John typing away at something, probably sending his sister an email, because they stayed in contact despite John's poor relationship with his father.

     The phone sitting on the bedside table went off, interrupting Alexander's thoughts. He picked up his phone and saw the message he dreaded every day. “Don't forget your meds, baby girl! I'll be home soon, I love you!” followed by the hearts and turtles. Alex felt the anger rising in him and threw his phone across the room. He hated that message, that same goddamn message he got every single day. Every day he got it he felt even angrier than the day before. He knew that the message was lying, John wasn't coming home. John was never going to come home. John was buried in the ground at some church and he was never going to see Alex again. And Alexander never even properly said goodbye.

     Alex thought that to himself and laughed bitterly. It sounded so cliché. He remembered back to when John had been getting ready to leave for the airport, and had been rushing to get out the door. Alexander had been asleep for the first time in days and John didn't want to wake him so he wrote him a quick goodbye note and left it on the nightstand. Alex woke up a few hours later to the cute note with John's super neat handwriting and heart doodles everywhere and an ominous voicemail from Hercules. John never made it to the airport. Since John had an early morning flight he left in the middle of the night so he could get to the airport in time, and on the ride there he got into a wreck. The other driver was drunk, but of course he lived through it. Of course he would live and John would die. His John, his beautiful John, who never saw it coming. His John, who was beyond excited for his trip to Europe with his younger sister. John who had so many plans for their future. John, who was on track to becoming a successful doctor. His John, who was covered in freckles that Alex liked to count with kisses, who had the curliest hair Alex had ever seen, with a smile that could light up an entire room, and the most gorgeous eyes in the universe. His John.

     Alex had gone to the funeral, he spoke at the funeral of course. He could have gone on for hours but instead kept it short and simple. His speech had only taken two minutes to say, and then Alex was on his way. He liked to pretend he was fine, he didn't want people's pity.  
     Alexander glanced at the clock on the desk and decided to finally get out of bed. He didn't feel the need to shower and he wasn't hungry so instead he just walked over to the desk and sat down in front of his laptop. He opened it and went through his different social media accounts before starting to work. He had a crap ton of unopened emails, but most of them were from George and Martha, trying to make sure he was okay since he ignored the majority of his calls. He answered them occasionally so they knew he was alive but he just really didn't feel like talking to anyone ever anymore. At least he didn't feel like talking to anyone that wasn't John.

     Alex scrolled through his email some more and found one email that stuck out to him. It was a Google calendar reminder. He opened it up and when he read it he began to feel sick to his stomach. It was reminding him that his and John's 5th anniversary was coming up in a few days. His throat felt tight and his vision went blurry as he began to sob, tears streaming down his face as he remembered. He sat there for what felt like hours to him, sobbing over his laptop with his hands tangled in his hair. It had been 4 months since John died, and their anniversary was in 3 days. He had been planning to propose on their anniversary. He was going to take John to the aquarium so they could look at all the turtles and then he was going to propose when they got home. He was going to make a speech in front of John the second they got home, and he was going to ramble for hours about how beautiful he thought John was, and how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life beside him. He was going to.

     After he calmed himself down he quickly closed the email and opened up the document he had to start today. Of course Alexander was able to finish it within an hour so he began a new essay, and when that one was done he started another, and another and another until his phone began to vibrate on the floor next to his feet. He picked it up and checked it, it was a message from Lafayette, asking if he wanted to go out tonight. Followed by another, more worried message. Which was followed by about five more messages, each one more frantic, until Lafayette had simply said he was coming over. Alexander checked the time and noticed that it was 6 in the evening and the last message Lafayette had sent him was about 5 minutes ago. Alex knew that he would be here any minute and decided to quickly get up and unlock the door for his friend before sitting back down at his computer.

     Alexander got halfway through another essay before he heard his friend open his front door. He heard Lafayette call his name and chose to continue typing instead of responding. He heard his friend come toward his bedroom before opening his door quickly and turning on the lights.

     “Alexander! Mon ami, why have you not answered any of my texts I was so worried about you!” Lafayette exclaimed, rushing into the room and wrapping his arms around Alexander. “I thought something horrible had happened to you, like maybe you were ill, or injured or...” Lafayette let his sentence trail off and looked down at Alex. He sighed and pulled Alexander out of the chair he was sitting in and pulled him toward the bathroom. “You look like you need a bath, and no offense but, you smell like it too.”

     Alex let himself get dragged to the bathroom and let his friend undress him and set up the bathtub for him. Lafayette filled the tub to the brim with hot water and bubbles and pulled Alex toward the tub. Alexander sat down in the tub to please Lafayette and he quickly began to shampoo Alex's hair for him. As he washed his hair Lafayette talked and talked about how he's been and how everyone was concerned about him, and how much Jefferson missed debating with him at work. Alex scoffed at this and Lafayette felt happy that Alexander would still laugh at something related to Jefferson. As Lafayette rinsed Alexander's hair he began to talk about how much he and Hercules had missed him.

     “It's just not the same you know. We still go out to the same place every Friday and we always send you a text inviting you, which uh, you know since you always decline us. And it's different not having you there.” Alex noted the lack of 'and John' in Lafayette's sentence but didn't blame him. Most people had already moved on. In fact, Alex was pretty sure he was the only one who hadn't moved on.

     Lafayette continued to help Alexander bathe and when they were finished Alex got out of the tub and Lafayette helped him dry off. He left the bathroom for a moment to get Alex clean clothes and Alex waited patiently for Lafayette to return. He came back a few seconds later with a new pair of sweats and a t-shirt that used to belong to John. Alex visibly flinched away from the shirt when Lafayette tried to put it on him and he noticed his mistake before rapidly apologizing and running to get a different shirt.  
Alexander hadn't touched any of John's clothing since he had died. He was too scared that it would lose the scent of John's cologne, or that moving any of it would make his death seem more permanent. He didn't even glance at John's clothing in the dresser when he got dressed and decided to act like nothing was even there.

     Lafayette returned with a new shirt, one of Alex's this time and when Alex was dressed Lafayette quickly brushed through Alexander's hair and pulled it into a ponytail. The two of them then walked into the living room and Lafayette sat Alex down in front of the television before going into the kitchen to make something for dinner.

     “Mon dieu, Alexander you have no food in here! How are you alive right now?” Alex bit back a snide remark at that and Lafayette walked to the front door, pulling his shoes and his jacket on. “I'm going to go grab some groceries really fast, I'll be back soon.” Alex had to hold back another remark about that and simply nodded, but kept his eyes on the tv. Lafayette shook his head at Alexander before opening the door and leaving.

     Alexander watched tv for a while, but wasn't really watching it. He was spacing out and thinking of everything but whatever show he was watching. He got through maybe 2 episodes before he heard a knock at the door. He knew that Lafayette wouldn't be knocking at the door, so he got up to answer it. When he opened the door a young delivery man stood there holding a giant bouquet of flowers.

     “I have a delivery here from a Mr. Alexander Hamilton?” He said, looking at Alex expectantly.

     “That's me.” Alex responded, and grimaced at the sound of his own voice. He couldn't remember the last time he actually spoke to anyone and his voice sounded extremely raspy.

     “Well then these are for you! They're from someone named John Laurens. If I could just have you sign here for me?” Alex tried to hide the shock on his face and quickly signed the form before taking the bouquet into the living room. He quickly found the card attached to the flowers and picked it up. A small paper bag that had been attached to the card fell down and he picked that up as well.

     The card read, “To my dearest Alexander. I know this is three days early, but I just couldn't wait any longer. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and want to stay by your side for the rest of my life. You are the most intelligent, most caring and most wonderful man I have ever met and I couldn't imagine being with anyone but you. I'll always be here for you and I'll stay by your side forever if you'll allow me to. Your most affectionate, J. Laurens.” After reading the card, Alex opened up the bag and gasped when he saw the contents. Inside it was a simple yet elegant ring that had the words “My Dearest” engraved on it. He pulled the ring out and put it on.

     Alexander felt strangely giddy and grabbed the bouquet and walked into the kitchen. He grabbed a vase that was in one of the cabinets and filled it with water before beginning to cut the ends of the flowers and putting them one by one in the vase. By the time he is finished, Lafayette is walking in the front door with his arms full of groceries. Alexander wanted nothing more than to share the good news with Lafayette and called him into the kitchen.

     “Hey Laf, come in here! I have something to show you!” Alex's strangely happy tone freaked out Lafayette and he rushed into the kitchen and saw Alex standing in front of the bouquet, admiring it. “Look what I got Laf! I got a bouquet.”  
Lafayette was even more concerned when he saw the giddy look on his friend's face and smiled at him. “That's cool Alexander, who is it from?”

     Alex ignored his question and began to talk about something else, instead asking him, “Hey Lafayette, guess what?”

     “What?”

     “I'm engaged now. John asked me to marry him!” Alex said and lifted his left hand to show off the ring. “Look at this cute letter he wrote me. He even drew a little turtle on the card. Isn't that just adorable?”

     Lafayette grabbed the card from Alex and read it before carefully studying Alex's expression. “That is adorable, Alex. What does this mean when it says that the bouquet is 3 days early?”

     “Our anniversary is in 3 days Laf. Can you believe it? John and I have been together for 5 years now.” That was when reality seemed to crash down on Alex, and Lafayette watched as Alexander's expression went from unbelievably happy to heartbroken in a split second. “Well, our anniversary would have been in 3 days Laf. Can you believe it? John and I almost made it to 5 years. You know what's funny, Lafayette? I was going to propose to John too. I had everything planned. But I guess he had me beat you know, since he's asking me 3 days early and all. Can you imagine how dumb I would have felt? If he had proposed 3 days before I was going to? I mean I feel pretty dumb right now standing here in front of this bouquet he sent me and imagining what our life was going to be like even though he's-” Alexander's voice stopped then, and the most heart-wrenching sob came out instead of the rest of his sentence. He collapsed in front of the counter, sobbing out John's name over and over. Asking no one in particular why John had to die, why it couldn't have been him instead, why didn't he get to say goodbye.

     “It's all my fault,” Alex said between his cries, “if I had just stayed awake and driven him to the airport myself this wouldn't have happened, and John would be here now. He would be alive and in my arms and we would be engaged and celebrating our 5th anniversary together. But no, I had to fall asleep, and he didn't want to wake me up because John was the kindest person I know.”

     Lafayette ran to Alex and wrapped his arms around his friend, trying to calm him even though he knew it wouldn't work. He kissed Alex on the forehead and whispered kind things to him, telling him it was going to be okay and that they would work through this.

     “You know what's funny Lafayette? In this card John said that he would always be here for me and that he would stay by my side forever. And every day I get a text from his phone saying he'll be home soon. And you know, Lafayette, John isn't a liar. So where the hell is he?” Alex rambled into Lafayette's shoulder, “Where is he? Oh! I know! He's buried in some cemetery because some asshole decided to drink and drive and kill the most beautiful human alive! Hey Laf, why does this always happen to me? Why can't I just live happily? First my dad, then my mom, and then my cousin. And then all of a sudden the most beautiful person graced me with his presence, but he got stolen away too!” Alex laughed at his own questions, “Hell, I should be dead, not him. Lafayette, don't you agree? The world would be better off with him here. He wouldn't waste away like I am. He would probably be happy with you guys and wouldn't worry you all the time.”

     Lafayette shook his head sadly at what Alexander was saying and picked up his friend before going into the living room. He sat Alex down gently on the couch before sitting next to him and looked at Alex. Alexander refused to make eye contact with Lafayette and instead asked him a question.

     “Laf, why did he have to die?”

     Lafayette quickly wrapped his arms back around Alex before answering with, “I don't know.” Over and over and over again. Before long they were both crying on each others' shoulders and cursing the world together. It was Alex who pulled away from Lafayette first and he began to laugh at the situation they were in.

     “Look at us, Laf. We're such idiots. Can you imagine if John were here now? He'd probably be telling me to get off my ass and go hang out with you guys instead of cooping myself up in here.” He said in between laughs, “He would tell me to go out and have a drink and to stop stressing at home.” Lafayette looked at Alexander and began to laugh too before telling him that he was right.

     Alexander left the house for the first time in weeks that night and went out to have a drink, for John, with Lafayette and Hercules and spent the entire night bragging about how he was an engaged man now. His friends laughed at him every time he found an excuse to show off his ring and talk about how he was making his way up the ranks in the world. He knew it was only for tonight, but for the first time in months, Alexander felt like he was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah. I was inspired by a post on tumblr and wanted to write this. I have no clue if I should make this into a series (maybe a prequel about John and Alex; how they met, how they got together, etc.) or maybe even continue this on and maybe give Alex a happier ending?? Idk, gimme your opinions guys.
> 
> Also this is my first fanfiction on here, and the first fanfiction I've written in years, like wow. This is a new experience for me. Tell me what you guys think please!! That would be great!
> 
> My tumblr is hewillneverbe--satisfied if you want to come yell at me or give me fic ideas


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